A personal post today, I'm going to be taking a short blogging break. An intentional one. (feel free to stop reading now if you don't want to read me blabbing on :))
Since starting A Blog Named Hero (which is SO much fun, but quite a bit of work), I've been inadvertantly neglecting this blog, and that's not what I want to do (nor was it my intention.)
This, coupled with being in a bit of a BLEH place in my head, has lead to me being constantly stressed out over NOT blogging, over WHAT I'm blogging, and how often I blog (or dont blog :))
Case In Point: I'm trying to catch up with several weeks of Project Life at the moment and instead of enjoying it, revelling in the fun and amazing thing that it is (and what the album will be when its done), all I'm doing is rushing through it, throwing stuff in pockets, wishing I didn't have SO many weeks to catch up on and grumbling about all the other crafty things I'd rather be doing instead.
Case In Point: Until recently, I spent 6 years living in the city I grew up in, unhappy, wishing I was living in a different city, several factors were involved, but one of the major ones was that I simply didn't like the city any more. We now (finally) live in the city I dreamt of coming back to, that was the only reason I got up in the morning (the thought that we'd come back some day) and I'm blind to it. I still love the city, but everything else, every other tiny, inconsequential, frustrating, annoying, blah blah blah thing that crops up in life, is weighing me down and I'm missing it.
I'm missing the lives of my children because all I can think of is how much I wish I could have 5 minutes "peace" (and 5 minutes without having to wipe up spills, change diapers, discuss why a cartoon bear was mean to a cartoon rabbit etc etc).
I'm petrified of losing on (or both) of my children and then realizing that I wasted their precious lives wishing they'd give me 5 minutes alone. (I'm petrified of losing them at ALL)
I'm missing MY OWN LIFE because all I can think of is how I wish the wall colour was different, or that the backyard was 'fixed', or that my blog was my job (when all I do is NOT post on it). I have all these intentions and hopes and plans, but I'm not L.I.V.I.N.G.
This is NOT who I want to be. This is NOT the kind of mother, wife, friend, PERSON I want to be.
SO I'm going to try to fix it. I'm going to 'pare back'. Get rid of the excess, get rid of the negativity, get rid of anything and everything that doesn't make me JOYFUL.
That's my new word too. My mantra. JOY-FUL. JOY. FUL. full of Joy.
I'll be back in a couple of weeks. August 1 at the very latest. (But probably sooner).
Thanks for bearing with me :)